Supernatural Parallels: Playthings v.s. A Little Slice of Kevin
You can’t save everyone.
#The most painful part of this parallel #is the fact that after Dean says that Sam can’t save everyone #Sam gets angry and says that Dean doesn’t understand #The more people Sam saves the more he can change his destiny #and that’s a gorgeous parallel to Dean #Dean needs to save everyone #he HAS to #because he has to make up for all the sins he’s committed #all the people he tortured in hell #Dean needs to save everyone because the alternative is NOT saving them - and that would be another sin he’ll have to pay for #and the saddest thing is that he probably feels like it still won’t be enough #Dean won’t rest because he thinks he doesn’t DESERVE to rest #He’ll have to fight until his very last breath - and even then it will never balance out the scales (via winterinthetardis)
#look at his face #it breaks my heart #like yes finally he doesn’t have to pretend anymore #he’s finally alone #Dean is gone home #and he stayed here #he doesn’t need to pretend to have any hope left #this is the end #he’s alone heartbroken and that’s what he deserves #but it hurts so much #and he knows he is not strong enough #he cannot possibly survive here alone #but he just won’t give up #he’s going to fight till his last breath #because that’s who he is #that’s what angels do #they’re soldiers#but he’s more than that now #because he probably wouldn’t find peace if he just gave up #if he did that to Dean #because even without any hope of seeing Dean again #he cannot do this to him - just give up completely- #so he fights with the little strength he has left #he fights and he thinks about Dean #Dean back home #Dean with Sam #Dean who is safe (via me)
#i want to rant about how much it hurt dean that sam didn’t look for him#but he really doesn’t have any idea does he #sam lost dean to hell #sam lost dean to nothingness #sam’s lost dean more than dean’s lost sam #sam’s finally decided that he needs to move on #and leave his brother behind him #to live his own life #maybe he secretly wanted dean to be gone #maybe that’s why he didn’t go looking for him #because it was what they needed #the separation #and i was going to rant without making it shippy but #maybe sam thought that wherever dean was #he’d be okay#because he’d be with cas
#imagine how he feels in this moment though #sadness of course because bobby is gone for good #guilt because naturally he blames himself #it was a leviathan who killed bobby after all #he probably feels as if he’s intruding on the winchesters’ emotional farewell to their beloved father figure #all the while feeling useless because there is nothing he can do #imagine him feeling all these things when he was never meant to feel anything at all
#wow okay#this is perfect#because dean…he’s all about that front that he puts up#the soldier front#the masculine front#the strong front#and the thing about it being a front - a facade in fact - is that it’s entirely false#he’s perfected it over the years; crafted it; built it up brick by brick#walled himself in with it because it was easier to live that way; better to survive that way#but beneath it he’s damaged and vulnerable and wounded and scared#and compassionate and too emotional and too invested and too loving and far too lost to be saved#and he knows that all too well#so he bottles it up (or drowns it in bottles)#yes. strong on the surface. but not all the way through.
#oh but that is a lot of strength in itself #because even waking up in the morning after what he’s been through should be impossible #what kills me is that he doesn’t (and probably never will) do it for himself #when people get mad at him for not being ‘fun and carefree’ like in season 1 #that was just a front he was never carefree he was just better at pretending to be #he has been responsible for someone else’s life since he was a four-year-old boy who had just lost his mother #you do realize he’s much more than just sam’s big brother right? he’s the only real parent sam ever had #what was i saying? yeah he was tortured for 40 years and never had the chance to rest and deal with his ptsd #so EXCUSE HIM FOR NOT PUTTING A GOOD ENOUGH PERFORMANCE FOR YOU ANYMORE
I was getting too close to the humans in my charge. You.
#ooookay so I know this isn’t exactly an overlooked line #BUT FUCK IS IT AMAZING OR WHAT?? #Cas is telling Dean not only that Cas was developing too much fondness for his charges #but specifically acknowledges that despite the fact that Cas told Dean he’s not there to perch on his shoulder #Dean is his charge #Dean is in his care #and he says humans #but then specifically singles Dean out #he’s telling Dean #’I feel too much for you. too much for an angel to feel. #and shit this is just the start #Cas will start to feel so much more because of Dean #not only good feelings of humor and family and friendship #but anger and doubt and fear #it’s too late bb #you’re a goner (via badwolfintheimpala)
#cas looks like he’s bracing himself for dean to punch him or yell at him or reject him #like he can hardly get the words out because he’s so nervous as to how he’ll react #ugh ugh but obviously dean will be so overcome with emotions that he’ll just pull cas into a bone-crushing hug #and cas will drop the flowers and finally wrap his arms around dean #and everything won’t be magically forgiven but it’s a start and dean is willing to let him back in and listen to cas more #and they will both try to better themselves #and it’ll be all okay okay #ugh feels over a scene that’s not even real
Is he on Ringer enough for me to justify taking it up?
Also FEELS OMG.
#this is my favorite #i just feel like it’s so in character#sam and dean and jo and bobby are all cracking up #castiel looks really pleased with himself because he made a joke that made everyone laugh #ellen is like ‘you bozos can we just take this picture before i descend to your level and start laughing too’ #FAMILY #CRIES
#your intentions were so pure #but the outcome was never what you anticipated #you wanted to save the world #you wanted sam and dean to be spared this daunting task yet again #and you had a plan on how to do it #you took notes from how sam and dean stopped the last apocalypse #on how you can work with demons and double cross them in the end to win #you ended up losing the ones you cared for #you let the souls overtake you #and just like sam #the one thing that got you through it #was the power of love #im sorry dean #i dont want to hurt you anymore dean #i feel regret #i just wanted to make amends before i die #and you ended up saving the world before it was too late #you did it in the end #and the price was unimaginable#but if you had to #you would still make similar choices #you would take yourself back to that one moment #watching dean rakes the leaves in his backyard of his content life#watching the man you dragged out of hell #the man who lost his brother #his family#everything #to save the world #and you would say yes to crowley again in a heartbeat
I’ve watched this scene so many times, and not once did I realise that Dean’s expression is almost as heartbreaking as Cas’s. Also:
The whole time Sam is speaking here, Dean can’t take his eyes off of the samulet.
…and now I’m not so upset that he threw it away; if it was a gesture of healing and moving on for him, then I’m okay with it.